No, You're Not Doing It Wrong-- Creating a New Habit Is Supposed to Be Challenging

Let’s talk about creating a new habit:

We know that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting different results. (Apparently, Albert Einstein said that.)

Once we realize we are in the same habitual loop that gets us nowhere, we know we need to act differently.

New actions need to become a habit for them to become immediate.

Repetition is critical for learning any new practice and allowing the neural wiring for this new way of being to set in.

Acting in a new way requires awareness, intent, focus, and commitment.

To act in a new way is habit forming—if you adopt the formula James Clear sets forth in Atomic Habits, you practice at the same time and place and get a reward afterward. Lather, rinse, repeat.

We can create new habits in many ways to elevate our lives, whether starting a meditation practice, yoga practice, strength training, changing dietary lifestyle, or learning a new language to enhance how many people we engage with daily.

Creating a new habit is called “tapas,” which translates in yoga as “heat” and is the third observance for how to live in a state of integrity with yourself. 

Tapas as a dedication to yourself means “practice causing positive change.”  Yes, this practice will feel like heat.  You will feel friction and agitation.  That is the old way of working to bring you back.  Those strong neural networks will agitate your new practices much like a child will fuss out to the death for attention. 

After a period of working on your practice, you might feel pulled to relax your discipline.  “Maybe I can skip a day,” you think, “I’m doing okay with this.”  Then one day becomes two…two days become three….and over time, you’ve let go of the practice and are back to your old ways with the old results. Except for this time, you are more frustrated than ever.

Here you recognize two things:  1) Your old ways of being are much more firmly rooted in your brain than the new tracks you are working to form. Therefore, they will seduce you in any way possible to get you to come back to them. 2) Your intention must be clear and specific to know why you cannot return to the old ways.

To make this even more specific, your highest self at any time in the future.  FEEL how you feel inside—the confidence, the clarity, the absolute certainty in your authentic expression.  Feel it in your body. Know in your heart that the new practices will take you there.  They will.

Now you must recommit to the new practice. 

But this is not a child acting out. This old habitual way of behaving served you at one time in life.  It does not serve you anymore.

It’s time to grow.

When you feel the pull of the old ways telling you to stop, just whisper, “thank you for what you once did for me, but I am moving on,” and get back to the new practice.

Recall your vision for your highest self. FEEL what it is like to be this person. Then, stick to practices that are getting you there.

Reengage with the practices. Heat is a necessary component of setting in new ways. Think of a hot wire melting what it touches. Your neurons are making a new tunnel—a new pathway—in your brain, so this way of being—this path—is the way that will become the norm. It should feel slightly uncomfortable! The way you feel afterward is the reward. 

It takes sand in the oyster and lapping waves to make a pearl.

It takes pressure to make a diamond.

Friction makes the gems shine.

The old ways of being will go to sleep.

The new way of being will light up as you authentically show up in the world.

Fall in love with the heat.

It’s opening you up to a world that awaits you.